


The Problem With Rubber Sheets.

by Wildcard



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 10:04:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildcard/pseuds/Wildcard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee's a good boyfriend. Having to use rubber sheets to deal with too much genetic material shouldn't be a problem.</p>
<p>If you're Dirk Strider, everything's a problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Problem With Rubber Sheets.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Legorandia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legorandia/gifts).



Rubber sheets might make laundry easier but the slide of the mattress cover against the sheets threatened to make Dirk slip off the bed entirely. There was just no grip! He could grab the sheets with both hands and even then, he'd just tumble to the floor with them.

On the plus side, he at least knew that a sudden fall wouldn't deter Gamzee. Very little could perturb Gamzee. If they fell, Gamzee would check Dirk to make sure he was safe and then proceed to kiss all the sore spots better. As well as some places that weren't sore.

His relaxed attitude was one of the things that Dirk liked best about his boyfriend. Given his own intense, driven nature, it was good to have someone who could get him to calm down, someone who'd wrap his arms around Dirk and hold him until his rapid-fire speech slowed to something less frantic. Even now, as Dirk's mind derailed into thoughts of how to create rubber sheets with a better grip, Gamzee slowed his lapping at the other's cock.

"What's up and preying on your motherfucking mind?" He asked lazily, nuzzling his cheek against Dirk's thigh. The points of his horns were covered with little purple padded caps that Roxy had knitted after Dirk had arched so far while being sucked off that he nearly impaled himself. Dirk had thought them funny at first but now he hardly noticed them as he stroked Gamzee's horns.

"The sheets," he admitted a little sheepishly. It was hardly an appropriate thing to be obsessing over when your boyfriend was busy showing off just how flexible his tongue was. "They keep sliding under me against the mattress cover. Feels like I'm gonna fall off again."

"If you think you're going to up and fall then why don't we just move to the motherfucking floor?" It was an eminently reasonable suggestion from Gamzee and he followed it up by tossing a pillow to the floor. It'd stop Dirk from getting too uncomfortable, right?

"Because then we -- _I_ ," Dirk corrected himself because it wasn't as if tough troll skin suffered the same way that human skin did, "-- end up with rug burn and we have to spot clean the carpet. And when I say spot clean, I mean clean half of it."

"We wouldn't have to be motherfucking cleaning all the time if we'd just bought the purple carpet," Gamzee pointed out with a light kiss to Dirk's wet cock, tracing the thickest vein from base to tip with his tongue. "Or kept the floorboards bare."

"Mmm," Dirk rubbed his thumbs over the horns, twitching his hips subtly upwards again. "You wanna stop right now and tear up the carpet?"

It was a rhetorical question. When Gamzee dipped his head down and swallowed Dirk down, it was a perfectly coherent answer. Of course they weren't going to stop. The scrape of Gamzee's horns against his stomach was as velvet as antlers, soothing as a hand rubbing his belly. Every lick, every flex of Gamzee's throat, drew another moan from Dirk.

Gamzee had once said that Dirk's moans sounded like music to him, like the backbeat to the sick rhymes that Dirk spat obligingly whenever Gamzee asked for them. He could use them to measure how well Dirk liked what he was doing, how much Dirk was concentrating on him instead of lost in his own head. When Dirk was thinking, he was quiet. When Dirk wasn't thinking, he sounded like the animal that he'd evolved from, all guttural groans and sharp grunts. 

He didn't put it in quite that way, of course, but Dirk had gotten good at translating Gamzee's profane speech into something more mundane and acceptable. It didn't really matter how Gamzee spoke anyway. The sentiment behind the words was sweet, sweeter than the Faygo that Gamzee slammed down daily, and that was what mattered.

He let his fingers tangle in Gamzee's hair as the other worked, scraping his nails against the other's scalp. The wet heat of Gamzee's mouth was pure bliss. The only thing better, Dirk was convinced, was the way that Gamzee could wrap his tongue _around_ Dirk's cock and squeeze just as easily as if he were using his fingers.

The sheets slipped between him and the mattress, gliding like silk on silk, and Dirk wondered if maybe they should just put the rubber sheets on top. It might not feel comfortable to fuck on rubber sheets and it was true that the sheets got slippery as soon as they started sweating, but at least it cut down on the mess and didn't end up with Dirk dumped on his ass. Besides--

"Still thinking about those motherfucking sheets?" Gamzee inquired with an indulgent grin as he pulled away from Dirk's cock, crawling up to rest over the other's chest instead. He draped his lanky form over Dirk's body, nuzzling a kiss to Dirk's mouth and letting his sharp teeth just lightly scrape over Dirk's soft lips. "Guess I'm gonna have to up and try harder."

Dirk could feel the wetness from Gamzee's nook dripping onto him, slicking his cock up as it pooled on his skin in a warm, slippery mess. When he rocked his hips up, his cock rubbed against the wet opening and Gamzee's bulge reached back to twitch playfully at Dirk's cock, teasing at the ridge under the head.

Oh. _Fuck_ , Gamzee knew just what Dirk liked and how to get Dirk out of his own head. No drugs, no sopor, no trickster magic. Just good old-fashioned sex and affection.

Gamzee's kisses were as distracting as Gamzee's bulge helping steer Dirk's cock into him. Sex was easy. Masturbation was never enough to shut Dirk's mind off. It was the way that Gamzee focused on him, that Gamzee guided him, that made Dirk pay attention to Gamzee in turn. He wasn't a puzzle to be solved or a protege to be taught. He was a--

"Son of a fuck!" Dirk cursed as he hit the floor, romantic thoughts entirely forgotten.

Maybe some things deserved his concentration.

...Like Gamzee's kisses. Yeah. Okay. Solving the sheets+overabundance of genetic material problem could wait.


End file.
